Look at me go - making friends!

I feel like I am making headway in the whole wanting friends thing.

I blogged earlier about the very nice mom I hung out with.  She and her daughter are coming over again for another playdate on Monday.

I also reached out to a mom I had seen a couple of times and went over to her house this week.  We really had a great time.  I felt like we could talk and had good friend chemistry.

And my every Friday playgroup, which I was having mixed feeling about, I am really starting to enjoy.  I think it just takes me a while to feel comfortable with people and I get impatient for the feeling uncomfortable time to pass.  But I think it has, which is nice.

These are all good things.  Maybe they are in response to the lovely Emily's visit, which had made me happy, but then sad when she left and there was an Emily shaped hole.  But maybe these new friends are being sucked in by the friend void.

And today I was struck with a bubbly feeling I couldn't name until I realized I was feeling happy.  So that's a good thing for sure.

Yay! Company!

My college roommate, Emily, is visiting.  It is so nice to see her.  So nice to spend time with someone who knows me well and I am so comfortable with.

She is one of the easiest people to talk to I know and although she doesn't have kids yet I feel very able to discuss Finn issues/concern/life with her.

I always have such fun when we're together, although I know when she goes home I get in a funk wishing she lived here, or that I had a similar friend in the area.

But for now I am enjoying the quality time and getting to show off the baby, although I feel like I have to keep saying "he really isn't always this fussy...he's just teething..."

Hopefully she won't hold it against us.

And...it was Valentine's Day, for which we did absolutely nothing.  But I did take a cute photo of my beautiful boy:

So cute...and so much bigger and more person-like than last Valentine's Day:

I am not good at being happy for others. AKA I am small and petty

I have some mom bloggers that I really like.  But when I read about their various successes...being published places, making a living through advertising doing their blog, I am not quite as happy for them as I probably should be.

I am a small and petty person.

I want to be happy for them.  And I sort of am.  But another part of my just thinks - "why can't that be me?" 

I would LOVE to find a way to make a living blogging.  Not only would I love to be bringing in some money, but it would be amazing to feel like that many people were interested in what I have to say.

Me, me, me!  Why aren't I adored like I should be?

In all seriousness - is that even possible?  I would probably have to commit a lot more time (more time than 20 minutes when I am putting Finn to bed, for example).  Basically I just want it to happen.  An act of God?  Freak popularity?

Perhaps that's what I will wake up to tomorrow.  Fingers crossed.

At this point I'm just doing a nod to "posting every day"

Okay...so consider this an update to a couple of recent posts, and me white knuckleing the whole "posting every day" thing.

But it still counts!

Day two at the gym.  15 more minutes of sobbing, followed by those sad baby post cry hiccups in the car.  I felt awful and am waffling about continuing this experiment.  We shall see how I feel tomorrow.

In brighter news, I think I may have made a friend!

I met (re-met?) a very nice mom at a play date last week (we realized that we were in another mom's group together and had met before).  She had us over today and Finn and I had a lovely time!

The babies played very nicely together and I had such a good time with her.  I am practically giddy.

So that's me today.  All the excitement has left very little time for blogging, hence the half assedness of this post.

Making friends...an uphill battle

I had a group of very close girl friends in high school.

I just didn't know I was peaking, friendwise.

I made a few good friends in college, one of whom is still my closest friend.  And then...not so much...

I've been out of college for about eight years and have really struggled with the finding friends thing.  We've moved around some, but I've been here five years now, so I can't really use that as an excuse.

It's just hard to find someone you have great friend chemistry with.  I feel like I'm still dating.  I have met a lot of nice moms, but I want that best friend closeness, or even really good friend closeness.  It's hard to be patient.

And one of my current favorite mom's is about to move.  As did the last good friend I made here.

Is it something I am doing?  Am I somehow driving people from the state?

Do I sound needy?  That's always a turnoff, I am sure.

Nothing to do but keep trying I guess.  Hopefully I will be at a playgroup and lock eyes with someone across a crowded room of babies and we'll both just know we're meant to be the best of friends.

Cross your fingers.